Letter 501 - Revision history

Tony: Added "it" for clarity of meaning / Omitted commas before "that"

2024-03-23T17:26:58Z

Added "it" for clarity of meaning / Omitted commas before "that"

← Older revision		Revision as of 19:26, 23 March 2024
Line 23:		Line 23:

	\|Translated text={{right\|''28 September 1876''}}		\|Translated text={{right\|''28 September 1876''}}
	Dear [[Modya]]! I have lost your letter and I cannot reply point by point to your arguments against marriage. I remember, that many of them make no sense, but many, on the other hand, are in complete agreement with my own thoughts. You predict for me a fate like that of [[Kondratyev]], Bulatov <ref name="note1"/> and 'tutti quanti'. Rest assured that if my plans ever come to realization then I will certainly not be following in the footsteps of those gentlemen. Then you say that one should spit on 'qu'en dira-t-on'. That's true only to a certain degree. There are people who cannot despise me for my vices only because they came to love me when they did not yet suspect that I am in essence a man with a lost reputation. [[Sasha]] for instance, is one of these! I know that she guesses ''everything'' and ''forgives'' everything. Thus am I treated by very many people whom I love or respect. Do you really think that I'm not oppressed by this awareness that they ''pity'' and ''forgive'' me, when in fact I am guilty of nothing! And isn't really dreadful to think that people who love me can ever be ''ashamed'' of me! But, you see, this has happened a hundred times before and will happen a hundred times again. In a word, I should like by my marriage, or in general an open affair with a woman, to hush the mouths of various contemptible ~~creature~~ whose opinion I don't value in the least, but who can cause pain to the people close to me. In any case, do not be afraid for me, dear [[Modya]]. The realization of my plans isn't at all so close as you think. I'm so set in my habits and tastes that it isn't possible to cast them aside all at once, like an old glove. And besides, I'm far from possessing an iron will by any means, and since my letters to you I have already given in to the force of my natural inclinations about three times. Just imagine! One day I even went to ''Bulatov'''s country estate, and his house is nothing but a homosexual bordello. As if it were not enough that I had been there, I ''fell in love'' with his coachman like a cat!!! So you're quite right when you say in your letter that, it is not possible to restrain oneself, despite all one's vows, from one's weaknesses.		Dear [[Modya]]! I have lost your letter and I cannot reply point by point to your arguments against marriage. I remember that many of them make no sense, but many, on the other hand, are in complete agreement with my own thoughts. You predict for me a fate like that of [[Kondratyev]], Bulatov <ref name="note1"/> and 'tutti quanti'. Rest assured that if my plans ever come to realization then I will certainly not be following in the footsteps of those gentlemen. Then you say that one should spit on 'qu'en dira-t-on'. That's true only to a certain degree. There are people who cannot despise me for my vices only because they came to love me when they did not yet suspect that I am in essence a man with a lost reputation. [[Sasha]] for instance, is one of these! I know that she guesses ''everything'' and ''forgives'' everything. Thus am I treated by very many people whom I love or respect. Do you really think that I'm not oppressed by this awareness that they ''pity'' and ''forgive'' me, when in fact I am guilty of nothing! And isn't it really dreadful to think that people who love me can ever be ''ashamed'' of me! But, you see, this has happened a hundred times before and will happen a hundred times again. In a word, I should like by my marriage, or in general an open affair with a woman, to hush the mouths of various contemptible creatures whose opinion I don't value in the least, but who can cause pain to the people close to me. In any case, do not be afraid for me, dear [[Modya]]. The realization of my plans isn't at all so close as you think. I'm so set in my habits and tastes that it isn't possible to cast them aside all at once, like an old glove. And besides, I'm far from possessing an iron will by any means, and since my letters to you I have already given in to the force of my natural inclinations about three times. Just imagine! One day I even went to ''Bulatov'''s country estate, and his house is nothing but a homosexual bordello. As if it were not enough that I had been there, I ''fell in love'' with his coachman like a cat!!! So you're quite right when you say in your letter that it is not possible to restrain oneself, despite all one's vows, from one's weaknesses.

	All the same, I am sticking to my intentions and you can rest assured that I'll carry them out one way or another. But I won't do anything suddenly or without careful thought. Whatever happens, I am not going to put a ''millstone'' round my neck. I shall not enter into any lawful or illicit union with a woman without having fully ensured my own peace and my own freedom. I still have nothing definite in view as yet.		All the same, I am sticking to my intentions and you can rest assured that I'll carry them out one way or another. But I won't do anything suddenly or without careful thought. Whatever happens, I am not going to put a ''millstone'' round my neck. I shall not enter into any lawful or illicit union with a woman without having fully ensured my own peace and my own freedom. I still have nothing definite in view as yet.

	The other day Aleksandra Arkadyevna Davydova <ref name="note2"/> was here. I saw her twice — she is a very nice person. The rehearsals of "''[[Vakula]]''" will start at the beginning of October. On this account I'm completely relaxed. As to whether we shall see each other, I believe now you can respond to that positively? I can't but say in concluding this letter that I ''adore'' [[Nikolay Konradi\|Kolya]] to the point of ''insanity'', to the point of ''passion''. In any case, this winter I must see you both.		The other day, Aleksandra Arkadyevna Davydova <ref name="note2"/> was here. I saw her twice — she is a very nice person. The rehearsals of "''[[Vakula]]''" will start at the beginning of October. On this account I'm completely relaxed. As to whether we shall see each other, I believe now you can respond to that positively? I can't but say in concluding this letter that I ''adore'' [[Nikolay Konradi\|Kolya]] to the point of ''insanity'', to the point of ''passion''. In any case, this winter I must see you both.

	{{right\|P. Tchaikovsky.}}		{{right\|P. Tchaikovsky.}}

Brett: Text replacement - "any event" to "any case"

2024-02-29T09:23:19Z

Text replacement - "any event" to "any case"

← Older revision		Revision as of 11:23, 29 February 2024
Line 23:		Line 23:

	\|Translated text={{right\|''28 September 1876''}}		\|Translated text={{right\|''28 September 1876''}}
	Dear [[Modya]]! I have lost your letter and I cannot reply point by point to your arguments against marriage. I remember, that many of them make no sense, but many, on the other hand, are in complete agreement with my own thoughts. You predict for me a fate like that of [[Kondratyev]], Bulatov <ref name="note1"/> and 'tutti quanti'. Rest assured that if my plans ever come to realization then I will certainly not be following in the footsteps of those gentlemen. Then you say that one should spit on 'qu'en dira-t-on'. That's true only to a certain degree. There are people who cannot despise me for my vices only because they came to love me when they did not yet suspect that I am in essence a man with a lost reputation. [[Sasha]] for instance, is one of these! I know that she guesses ''everything'' and ''forgives'' everything. Thus am I treated by very many people whom I love or respect. Do you really think that I'm not oppressed by this awareness that they ''pity'' and ''forgive'' me, when in fact I am guilty of nothing! And isn't really dreadful to think that people who love me can ever be ''ashamed'' of me! But, you see, this has happened a hundred times before and will happen a hundred times again. In a word, I should like by my marriage, or in general an open affair with a woman, to hush the mouths of various contemptible creature whose opinion I don't value in the least, but who can cause pain to the people close to me. In any ~~event~~, do not be afraid for me, dear [[Modya]]. The realization of my plans isn't at all so close as you think. I'm so set in my habits and tastes that it isn't possible to cast them aside all at once, like an old glove. And besides, I'm far from possessing an iron will by any means, and since my letters to you I have already given in to the force of my natural inclinations about three times. Just imagine! One day I even went to ''Bulatov'''s country estate, and his house is nothing but a homosexual bordello. As if it were not enough that I had been there, I ''fell in love'' with his coachman like a cat!!! So you're quite right when you say in your letter that, it is not possible to restrain oneself, despite all one's vows, from one's weaknesses.		Dear [[Modya]]! I have lost your letter and I cannot reply point by point to your arguments against marriage. I remember, that many of them make no sense, but many, on the other hand, are in complete agreement with my own thoughts. You predict for me a fate like that of [[Kondratyev]], Bulatov <ref name="note1"/> and 'tutti quanti'. Rest assured that if my plans ever come to realization then I will certainly not be following in the footsteps of those gentlemen. Then you say that one should spit on 'qu'en dira-t-on'. That's true only to a certain degree. There are people who cannot despise me for my vices only because they came to love me when they did not yet suspect that I am in essence a man with a lost reputation. [[Sasha]] for instance, is one of these! I know that she guesses ''everything'' and ''forgives'' everything. Thus am I treated by very many people whom I love or respect. Do you really think that I'm not oppressed by this awareness that they ''pity'' and ''forgive'' me, when in fact I am guilty of nothing! And isn't really dreadful to think that people who love me can ever be ''ashamed'' of me! But, you see, this has happened a hundred times before and will happen a hundred times again. In a word, I should like by my marriage, or in general an open affair with a woman, to hush the mouths of various contemptible creature whose opinion I don't value in the least, but who can cause pain to the people close to me. In any case, do not be afraid for me, dear [[Modya]]. The realization of my plans isn't at all so close as you think. I'm so set in my habits and tastes that it isn't possible to cast them aside all at once, like an old glove. And besides, I'm far from possessing an iron will by any means, and since my letters to you I have already given in to the force of my natural inclinations about three times. Just imagine! One day I even went to ''Bulatov'''s country estate, and his house is nothing but a homosexual bordello. As if it were not enough that I had been there, I ''fell in love'' with his coachman like a cat!!! So you're quite right when you say in your letter that, it is not possible to restrain oneself, despite all one's vows, from one's weaknesses.

	All the same, I am sticking to my intentions and you can rest assured that I'll carry them out one way or another. But I won't do anything suddenly or without careful thought. Whatever happens, I am not going to put a ''millstone'' round my neck. I shall not enter into any lawful or illicit union with a woman without having fully ensured my own peace and my own freedom. I still have nothing definite in view as yet.		All the same, I am sticking to my intentions and you can rest assured that I'll carry them out one way or another. But I won't do anything suddenly or without careful thought. Whatever happens, I am not going to put a ''millstone'' round my neck. I shall not enter into any lawful or illicit union with a woman without having fully ensured my own peace and my own freedom. I still have nothing definite in view as yet.

	The other day Aleksandra Arkadyevna Davydova <ref name="note2"/> was here. I saw her twice — she is a very nice person. The rehearsals of "''[[Vakula]]''" will start at the beginning of October. On this account I'm completely relaxed. As to whether we shall see each other, I believe now you can respond to that positively? I can't but say in concluding this letter that I ''adore'' [[Nikolay Konradi\|Kolya]] to the point of ''insanity'', to the point of ''passion''. In any ~~event~~, this winter I must see you both.		The other day Aleksandra Arkadyevna Davydova <ref name="note2"/> was here. I saw her twice — she is a very nice person. The rehearsals of "''[[Vakula]]''" will start at the beginning of October. On this account I'm completely relaxed. As to whether we shall see each other, I believe now you can respond to that positively? I can't but say in concluding this letter that I ''adore'' [[Nikolay Konradi\|Kolya]] to the point of ''insanity'', to the point of ''passion''. In any case, this winter I must see you both.

	{{right\|P. Tchaikovsky.}}		{{right\|P. Tchaikovsky.}}

Brett: 1 revision imported

2022-07-12T12:20:12Z

1 revision imported

← Older revision	Revision as of 14:20, 12 July 2022
(No difference)

Brett at 10:41, 9 April 2020

2020-04-09T10:41:52Z

New page

{{letterhead
|Date=28 September/10 October 1876
|To=[[Modest Tchaikovsky]]
|Place=[[Moscow]]
|Language=Russian
|Autograph=[[Klin]] (Russia): {{RUS-KLč}} (a{{sup|3}}, No. 1467)
|Publication={{bib|1940/210|П. И. Чайковский. Письма к родным ; том 1}} (1940), p. 259–260<br/>{{bib|1961/38|П. И. Чайковский. Полное собрание сочинений ; том VI}} (1961), p. 75–76 (abridged)<br/>{{bibx|1995/123| П. И. Чайковский. Забытое и новое}} (1995), p. 121 (abridged)<br/>{{bibx|1998/70|Tchaikovsky and His World}} (1998), p. 65–66 (English translation)<br/>{{bibx|2009/2|Неизвестный Чайковский}} (2009), p. 255–257
}}
==Text and Translation==
{{Lettertext
|Language=Russian
|Translator=Alexander Poznansky
|Original text={{right|''28 сентября 1876''}}
Милый Модя! Я затерял твоё письмо и не могу отвечать по пунктам на твои аргументы антиматримониальные. Помню, что многие из них несостоятельны, многие, напротив, совершенно согласуются с моими собственными мыслями. Помню, что ты мне предсказываешь судьбу Кондратьева, Булатова и tutti quanti. Будь уверен, что если когда-нибудь мои замыслы осуществятся, то уж, конечно, я не пойду по стопам этих господ. Потом ты говоришь, что нужно плевать на qu'en-dira-t'on! Это верно только до некоторой степени. Есть люди, которые не могут меня презирать за мои пороки только потому, что они меня стали любить, когда ещё не подозревал , что я, в сущности, человек с потерянной репутацией. Сюда относится, например, Саша! Я знаю, что она о ''всем'' догадывается и все ''прощает''. Таким же образом относятся ко мне очень многие любимые и уважаемые мной личности. Разве ты думаешь, что мне не тяжело это сознание, что меня ''жалеют'' и ''прощают''. когда я, в сущности, ни в чем не виноват! И разве не убийственна мысль, что люди, меня любящие, иногда могут ''стыдиться'' меня! А ведь это сто раз было и сто раз будет. Словом, я хотел бы женитьбой или вообще гласной связью с женщиной зажать рты разной презренной твари, мнением которой я вовсе не дорожу, но которая может причинить огорчения людям мне близким. Во всяком случае, не пугайся за меня, милый Модя. Осуществление моих планов вовсе не так близко, как ты думаешь. Я так заматорел в своих привычках и вкусах, что сразу отбросить их, как старую перчатку, нельзя. Да притом я далеко не обладаю железным характером и после моих писем к тебе уже раза 3 отдавался силе природных влечений. Представь себе! Я даже совершил на днях поездку в деревню к ''Булатову'', дом которого есть не что иное как педерастическая бордель. Мало того, что я там был, но я ''влюбился'' как кошка в его кучера!!! Итак, ты совершенно прав, говоря в своём письме, что нет возможности удержаться, несмотря ни на какие клятвы, от своих слабостей.

И всё-таки я остаюсь при своих намерениях, и буду уверен, что так или иначе я их осуществлю. Но я сделаю это не вдруг и не необдуманно. Во всяком случае я не намерен надеть на себя ''хомут''. Я вступлю в законную или незаконную, связь с женщиной не иначе, как вполне обеспечивши свой покой с свою свободою А покамест ещё ничего определенного в виду нет...

На дня здесь был Ал[ександра] Арк[адьевна] Давыдова. Я с ней виделся два раза — очень милая особа. Репетиции «''Вакулы''» начнутся с начала октября. Я совершенно успокоился на этот счёт. Увидимся ли мы? Теперь, я думаю, ты можешь на это дать ответ положительный. Не могу не сказать в заключение этого письма, что я до ''безумия'' до ''страсти'' обожаю ''Колю''. Так или иначе, но этой зимой я должен вас обоих видеть.

{{right|П. Чайковский}}

Кланяйся M[ada]me Конради и Форею

|Translated text={{right|''28 September 1876''}}
Dear [[Modya]]! I have lost your letter and I cannot reply point by point to your arguments against marriage. I remember, that many of them make no sense, but many, on the other hand, are in complete agreement with my own thoughts. You predict for me a fate like that of [[Kondratyev]], Bulatov <ref name="note1"/> and 'tutti quanti'. Rest assured that if my plans ever come to realization then I will certainly not be following in the footsteps of those gentlemen. Then you say that one should spit on 'qu'en dira-t-on'. That's true only to a certain degree. There are people who cannot despise me for my vices only because they came to love me when they did not yet suspect that I am in essence a man with a lost reputation. [[Sasha]] for instance, is one of these! I know that she guesses ''everything'' and ''forgives'' everything. Thus am I treated by very many people whom I love or respect. Do you really think that I'm not oppressed by this awareness that they ''pity'' and ''forgive'' me, when in fact I am guilty of nothing! And isn't really dreadful to think that people who love me can ever be ''ashamed'' of me! But, you see, this has happened a hundred times before and will happen a hundred times again. In a word, I should like by my marriage, or in general an open affair with a woman, to hush the mouths of various contemptible creature whose opinion I don't value in the least, but who can cause pain to the people close to me. In any event, do not be afraid for me, dear [[Modya]]. The realization of my plans isn't at all so close as you think. I'm so set in my habits and tastes that it isn't possible to cast them aside all at once, like an old glove. And besides, I'm far from possessing an iron will by any means, and since my letters to you I have already given in to the force of my natural inclinations about three times. Just imagine! One day I even went to ''Bulatov'''s country estate, and his house is nothing but a homosexual bordello. As if it were not enough that I had been there, I ''fell in love'' with his coachman like a cat!!! So you're quite right when you say in your letter that, it is not possible to restrain oneself, despite all one's vows, from one's weaknesses.

All the same, I am sticking to my intentions and you can rest assured that I'll carry them out one way or another. But I won't do anything suddenly or without careful thought. Whatever happens, I am not going to put a ''millstone'' round my neck. I shall not enter into any lawful or illicit union with a woman without having fully ensured my own peace and my own freedom. I still have nothing definite in view as yet.

The other day Aleksandra Arkadyevna Davydova <ref name="note2"/> was here. I saw her twice — she is a very nice person. The rehearsals of "''[[Vakula]]''" will start at the beginning of October. On this account I'm completely relaxed. As to whether we shall see each other, I believe now you can respond to that positively? I can't but say in concluding this letter that I ''adore'' [[Nikolay Konradi|Kolya]] to the point of ''insanity'', to the point of ''passion''. In any event, this winter I must see you both.

{{right|P. Tchaikovsky.}}
Give my regards to [[Alina Bryullova|Madame Konradi]] and Fofa <ref name="note3"/>.
}}

==Notes and References==
<references>
<ref name="note1">Mikhail Bek-Bulatov was a married homosexual in [[Moscow]].</ref>
<ref name="note2">Wife of the cellist [[Karl Davydov]].</ref>
<ref name="note3">"Fofa" = Sofya Yershova, governess of [[Modest]]'s pupil [[Nikolay Konradi|Nikolay ("Kolya") Konradi]].</ref>
</references>
{{DEFAULTSORT:Letter 0501}}